musique

so... hungover... cramps...

berlin night clubs are definitely something else. i've never just been able to dance like that before, the music was flowing right through me and i was high, but i wasn't! it was honestly better than some of the e dance nights i've had. oh berlin, you are fucked.

what the fuck

3 monthes.

i have been home for 3 monthes.

living with my parents.
no real expenses.

in the exact same financial position i lay in 3 monthes ago.


i think i've lost myself even more.
everything is so clear when i'm high it becomes blurry.

i suddenly realise i don't know myself
how can i expect someone else to know me then?

are my friends suppose to be drifiting away?
am i sppose to be scared to turn 20?

i seem to suddenly have no handle on the reality of life and that within it.

lusting for love

When I think of fantisizing, the idea of it that comes into my head is people fufulling their sexual desires that they cannot get in the present. But when it comes to my mine, and my fantasizing, I think of really lame couple thing's. Like singing in the car to eachother, meeting the parents, watching movies on crappy days while you bake muffins.

I can honestly say I would take an emotional relationship way way WAY over sex at this point. I parshly blame it on myself... and luck... to some extent... the people i meet that i see as potential always seem to end up in various scenarios such as : enrolled in university at ottawa and just home in st. john's for the long weekend or another one of my favorite's: partying on the other side of the province, just for the weekend. I just want to whisk these people away and take them on all my travels with me but it's all ridiculous thoughts.

Maybe I'm just meeting the wrong people. Maybe it's just me. It's frusterating wanting to be in a relationship, because it seems to never come that way. And I know one day when I'm lost in the haze of partying and chemisty tests I will suddenly find myself falling in love. Perhaps. Hopefully.