lost

lost is the only way to describe how i feel lately

i don't know what's going on. i am moody and irritable and cry a ridiculous amount for no apparent reason. it's almost as if i am a baby again.

everyday feels like a struggle to get through. everyday i'm unhappy with the outcome and i just want to erase everything that happened. i want to change thing's, i want to do better, i want to be better, but i seem to be making all the wrong choices.

but i do want to get better. for myself and for my friends. i know my friend's can't stand me anymore and i don't blame them, i can barely stand myself.

anyways. to do:

- get better
- do everything else in the world i'm suppose too

set yourself on fire

puke

i feel like vomiting over everything right now.

it is the FIRST day of the month and i have a total surplus of $50 to get me through until March. I should have closer to $1000 so I'm not quite sure how that happened. It makes me want to die though, i hate having no purchasing power.

My boyfriend is leaving any day now to go away for an indefinite period of time.

Midterms are creeping around the corner and I have literally done nothing in preparation.

It's going to be a cold, lonely winter.

Okay, that's it. I just needed to vent about how much I fucking suck at holding onto money. I'm going to go bury my credit card in my yard when i get home. No joke.

doin' my thang.

wow! 2 posts in january! i'm doing awesome.

i've just realized the quality of my life has been greatly diminished in the past few monthes because of my loss of car cd player and ipod (same incident). i never listen to music anymore! tonight i just laid in bed and listened to music and thing's just started to make sense in my head.

unfortunately now i have a beagle whining at me so i'm finding it extremely difficult to concentrate, so i'm going to cut this short.

ps. have i mentioned lately i'm in love?

January post!

munmunmunmunmun is back and consuming my life again. actually, i should say MEMORIAL. did you know that a few years ago the University actually changed their name to Memorial because they wanted to include Labrador in the university name, but didn't want the acronym of MUNAL so they just went with "memorial". I didn't know, I still call it MUN all the time and I can't see any stopping anytime soon! Point is, classes are back and I am gonna kick some ass this term. I'm becoming quite the keener, but I have to say getting A's instead of D's is pretty fucking awesome.

What else is new?

My roomate, Lenore, is peacing out after a 15 month time chez pope. It will be weird for her to leave (doesn't really feel like it's happening to be honest). But change is good, and (hopefully) Lenore will do awesome thing's in Ottawa and we will reconnect sometime later in life!

I need to upload pictures. Yeah. I'll do that when I get home and make a new post with lots of curb appeal.